Oh the Blessings... oh the Memories!!

Are you ever tempted to take a picture at every even non-significant thing that happens in your life? Maybe you are not prone to do this... but I certainly am. Why is it that I want to hold onto every moment that occurs? I think "living in the past" is something I cherish more than living in the actual moment. I savor memories much more than the moment in which I currently live.

The brothers and I just ventured up to my Grandparent's house bearing the gifts of white-chocolate dipped ginger snaps as well as a jar of borrowed molasses. We joked around on our way up there, stomping through the snow and running in the street as crazy people would do.
After visiting with my grandpa and grandma for a few minutes, we returned, making snow angels along the way. It was perfect, yet now that it is past it is even more cherished than it was a mere fifteen minutes ago...

I need to find a verse to capture my thoughts in this moment and perhaps bring truth and clarity to the direction they should proceed from here. Let's see...

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute,
if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise,
let your mind dwell on these things.

As long as I am praising God for the memories instead of simply trying to hold onto them, I am able to dwell on these things. Oh how my heart abounds with praise for the pure, lovely day I have had. Thank you Jesus!

Let it Snow!

Something about the snow brings joy and excitement to my heart!!
I know this is true for many people, and being who I am...well, I naturally ask why.
Is it the reality of the snow that brings this wonder? The look? The feel? The idea? The result?

For me it is the feel. It makes the inside of our home feel warmer and the colors of our scarves more vibrant in comparison to the purity it holds. The reality of the frozen drops of water is not anything exciting to me, for I prefer to observe our frosted farm from my bedroom window rather than engage in anything that could result in frozen fingers and freezing feet.

Let it snow!...not for the sake of snow itself, but for the gift of joy that it brings to our home. Yes, the snow is ideal for me. It supplies a lovely contrast of color and temperature and makes baking Christmas cookies in the kitchen that much more appropriate! Oh let it snow.

Idealism

Idealism can be a disease. I find myself sick with this disease at times, suffering with the symptoms of discontent and thoughts of what could be. It eats away at the joy I could so easily have if I would only turn my eyes to Jesus and look at the moments in my life as blessings that could only possibly come from Him.
Life is never going to be "good" unless it is accepted as it is. Often when watching movies, especially around Christmas time, I long for the "warmth" and "joy" and just "idealism" that they portray. I am filled with discontent and a longing for more... Oh how foolish I am! My eyes are blinded to the reality of my own blessed life by a glimpse into lives of people who were merely imagined. How pathetic is this? I do not know that I have a point, for my thoughts rarely reach conclusions, but I do know that this is a problem; and, like every other problem in my life, I can not solve it on my own.
God is able to solve it; therefore, I do not worry. I am not troubled. The Lord is my strength, and only He is able to rescue me from my discontent. He fully satisfies me. I need no idealism. He is my warmth and joy. What more could I need?

Fun Fun Fun...

Recently, I have been thinking about fun. What really makes fun? and how? why? when and where? It is a mystery to me. Yes, I am being very reflective, but honestly, I want to know.
There is a difference between fun and joy.
Joy comes from the Holy Spirit. I have joy in my heart, I really do. Fun...however...I am not so sure. I can have fun when I am with other people who initiate it... but on my own, not so much. This is not a bad thing. It's the way God has made me. I need to accept it. Surrender it. Simply surrender.

what is interesting?

Why is it that I can never find anything interesting to talk about? I do not think I have the genetic make-up of a very good blogger, I've decided. What I enjoy talking about is deep and complex... not necessarily humorous or entertaining. Is that what is important though? I hardly think so. My perspective so easily shifts back onto the things of this world and simply what my eyes can see. It is a constant battle to keep my eyes where they should be...on the eternal.

More from Tozer...The Pursuit of God...My favorites

"Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which one must individually bow. So one hundred worshipers meeting together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship."

"'Be thou exalted' (Psalm 21:13) is the language of victorious spiritual experience. It is a little key to unlock the door to great treasures of grace... His Christian life ceases to be the complicated thing it had been before and becomes the very essence of simplicity."

"Not perfection, but holy intention made the difference."

"God wants the whole person and He will not rest till He gets us in entirety. No part of the man will do."

"Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort... Come on, humble yourself and cease to care what men think."

"Artificiality is one cures that will drop away the moment we kneel at Jesus' feet and surrender ourselves to His meekness. Then we will not care what people think of us so long as God is pleased. Then what we are will be everything; what we appear will take its place far down the scale of interest for us. Apart from sin we have nothing of which to be ashamed. Only an evil desire to shine makes us want to appear other than we are."

"Keep reminding God in our times of private prayer that we mean every act for His glory; then supplement those times by a thousand thought-prayers as we go about the job of living. Let us practice the fine art of making every work a priestly ministration. Let us believe that God is in all our simple deeds and learn to find Him there."

"It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. The motive is everything."

The Background

On Saturday my family was walking around downtown Portland after going to a movie at Pioneer Place for my brother's birthday... the movie got out around ten o'clock, and as we were walking back to our Suburban in the parking garage, we observed many different people. People who looked as if they had no hope. People who looked lost. People for whom I wrote those thoughts in my previous post.
We are called, by Jesus, to share the Good News with those we encounter, but as I was taking in every sad face and rebellious spirit that evening, I truly wondered HOW anyone was to go about doing that most effectively. I realize that quite often we lack courage to speak up because we fear rejection and rationalize that, "Actions speak louder than words," and those people on the streets have not seen our actions... but WHEN? HOW? WHO? Will anyone reach those people?
The thoughts of my quiet time earlier in the week also rushed into my head that evening... I have been reading in 2 Samuel. David wanted to do it all. In addition to all the battles He fought in the name of the Lord, he also wanted to build God's dwelling place, the temple. God said no. The lesson: we can not do it all for the Lord. All He asks is that we do what He has called us to do.
I can not say that I have been called to reach out to the homeless people of Portland, but my heart still aches for them. I can pray. I can ask for the Lord to put the calling into someone else's heart, can't I?
Oh Lord, I will have faith in your perfect plan.

What a contrast.
What a revelation.
How burdened I now feel...
Yet, abundantly blessed.

My life is clean. It has hope.
Theirs is hopeless.
From whom do they get their strength?
Do they know HE is waiting?

If only.
If only they were given the Gift.
If only someone was willing to give it.
It has been paid for. Paid with a life.

Their life awaits for that moment.
Will I be the one to give what is already there?
I know from Whom I get my strength.
I have found the One who is still waiting on some.

I pray for courage.
For the courage to do something.
Not everything. Just what I have been called to do.
Oh Jesus, give me courage.

Ahh...A.W. Tozer

"Many....constantly practice this habit of inwardly gazing upon God. They know that something inside their hearts sees God. Even when they are compelled to withdraw their conscious attention in order to engage in earthly affairs, there is within them a secret communion always going on. Let their attention but be released for a moment from necessary business and it flies at once to God again. This has been the testimony of many Christians..."

Time...

I am finding it harder and harder to either find the time or make the time, whichever it may be, to DO all the things I want or need to do. ahhh.... I don't really know if that made sense, but I understand it in my head.
My strategy is to, of course, take care of my responsibilities first, and THEN do what I find enjoyable...things called hobbies... you know, cooking, baking, playing the piano, dancing, reading, etc. (Oh how many hobbies I am wanting to add to my list of hobbies, it's crazy!! kayaking, floral arranging, painting, scrapbooking, cake decorating, paintballing, learning about an engine...I could go on forever!!)
What I often have a difficulty with, however, is ever breaking free from all my responsibility...there is ALWAYS something productive I could be doing... if it isn't working on the farm (which is my main priority right now) it is cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, or organizing another list of things to accomplish tomorrow. Is it possible to get a break?
Then I must add the factor of PEOPLE... Spending time with them is a priority, obviously... "oh oh, we need each other..." How do I possibly balance this time in? Oh sometimes it's just too overwhelming. Okay, I know it doesn't have to be... I just tend to over analyze.
In conclusion..... I pray to remember and live by Matthew 6:33............
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you as well." Ahhh.... peace.

God is good

It's been awhile since I have written anything on my blog. I highly doubt anyone ever reads this anyway... More recently I have been writing my daily thoughts in my paper journal. Just recently I filled up my latest journal, and had to go searching into my dresser drawer for another one. I discovered one I had started at the beginning of 2006, and oh how fun it was to go back and read my thoughts and stories from my life at seventeen! One day I will come back to this blog...perhaps another couple years from now, and read and reminisce on this very moment. I have concluded this is one of my favorite hobbies, whether or not it is really a hobby or not...
Another one of my favorite things to do when I am home is to sit on our back deck and have my "daily afternoon quiet time," as I now call it. As I sit at our new patio furniture, the sun warms my back and the wind gently cools my face. The sound of the wind chimes and the consistent swishing of the sprinklers are sweet reminders of life on the farm, of life at home. God is good to me, oh so good!
I wonder sometimes...if my life were not so great...would I still think God were good? Would I still praise Him? Would I continue to faithfully follow Him? Take the newest Rambo movie for example... the blood, death, terror, and evil that is so prevalent in that movie was not just "made up" in Hollywood. People actually live through that on a daily basis. Do they believe God is good? I wonder how they can when they are blinded by so many evil actions. Many people do not even know of God's goodness to us: His free gift of eternal life.
Oh how I desire to seek the Lord always, daily, moment by moment, regardless of what happens in my life. I pray that God would always supply me with the strength and endurance to daily seek and surrender to Him. To simply surrender. Afterall, Philippians 4:19 (my verse of the week) says that, "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Jesus is what I need. Others need Jesus as well. He is everything.

I am amazed by You

This amazes me:
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/micro/gallery/endorphin/endorphins.html

Praise our Creator!!
That's pretty much all I have to say right now.

quotes and thoughts from a summer school student.

"What is the hardest task in the world? To think."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The difficult part in an argument is not to defend one's opinion but to know what it is"
~Andre Maurois

"No greater misfortune could happen to anyone than that of developing a dislike for argument" ~Plato

Each of these quotes has been making an impact on my perspective during the past few days. My research writing and critical thinking class has definitely been challenging me lately. I admit...I do not like to think about things that do not have to do with me. Yes, it is selfish, but it is wonderful that I now realize this. News. Current Events. Moral issues. Politics. All of it simply takes too much WORK and thinking, so I thought.
Now...My priorities are being changed. I need to critically think and discover what my opinions are. I had previously been justifying my lack of concern for any of these issues with "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you," but I have discovered that this was merely an excuse for my laziness. Yes, I WILL still seek the Kingdom first, but I will now strive to view these issues and form opinions through the Kingdom perspective as well as the filter of God's Word. It is exciting. Challenging. Deepening.
Yes...I am quite a noncontroversial person; however, I have realized that argument is healthy to an extent. It allows people to deepen and reason through their varying perspectives on life. My prayer is that I would develop a tolerance, if not a thankfulness, for argument in my life. It can not be avoided forever. People disagree. It's a fact. In order to be an effective disciple of Christ I should be capable of intelligent argument. Speaking the truth in love. It's okay to upset the right people, as long as I do not get offensive or proud.
Just a few thoughts from your local summer school student...

A rush of thoughts...

Sometimes I wish that someone would open up my brain and implant every thought and opinion that I need to have about every area of life. As I think about this more, however, I realize that there really are not "right" opinions about everything, and this is what makes each of us unique and wonderfully made. This bothers me just a little bit, honestly. I thrive on concrete subjects, subjects that are black and white, right and wrong, set in stone. Take chemistry for example... it is very methodical and concrete, not changing. Politics...not so much... Current events and news... how am I supposed to 1) ever stay updated on anything at all and 2) form an opinion about it? It boggles my mind. Oh how I wish I could care enough to do something about my lack of knowledge, but it just is not so. I need to learn how to think. engage. decide. choose. It is so difficult for me though...

Another setting sun...

Another day, another week, another year. The sun has set on yet another event in my life. Freshman year of college is over, and I do not think I am ready. I was just starting to feel comfortable and at home too... Why do seasons of life pass away so quickly? Memories will be treasured and the future will be full of excitement and hope; however, the present is different now, and it always takes me awhile to adjust to change. Oh how I need to learn how to live in the moment each and every day.

Silly Putty

Silly putty can bounce, stretch, break, and mold, just like me. Sometimes I feel as if I have no shape...I just mold to my surroundings and have no say in the matter. I am complacent, I believe. Why must my surroundings change? It saddens me that I must now reform and reshape again.

Okay...now that I got that out, my focus needs to shift off myself and onto my Lord Jesus Christ. He should ultimately be my molder. He is the Potter; I am the clay.

Romans 9:21 states, "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?"

He is shaping me right now even in this day, this moment... His purposes are perfect.

A Challenge

"Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and abiding word of God."
I Peter 1:22-23

Have I obeyed the truth?
Is my soul purified?
Do I fervently love others from the heart?
Have I been born again of imperishable seed?

May it be so.

Conversation

Today has been a day of conversation. Just like any other day, I suppose.
Talking is a necessary part of life and relationships, right?
I have a few questions... Who are we to talk to? What are we to talk about? Do we HAVE to talk? I think I could go a whole day without it...maybe...
I am learning, however, that I need to open up more to the people in my life.

Talking to God is a different issue all together.
I desire to and often do pray without ceasing.

Thank you, Jesus, for this beautiful intimacy.

Oh happy day...

Sunshine.
Worship.
Rice Krispies.
Trampolines.
Big Sisters.
Fruit bowls.
Open windows.
What a happy day...despite trials.
Consider it joy.

Why oh why?

Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be sitting here, writing a blog simply for my own enjoyment. Since when have I enjoyed writing? That was sudden... out of the blue...
Honestly, as I try to think of "just the right thing to say," I am saddened by my pride. Why must I always be so concerned by how I am perceived? I am letting it go. Simple surrender...

Rule #1: All blogs posted here must be honest and real. What I am REALLY thinking. No facades. No fake smiles. No pretending.
Rule #2: Let it all out. So often I hold my thoughts, concerns, and feelings deep inside...unwilling to let anyone else carry my burden with me. Afraid that I am being selfish. Afraid to open up. Jesus is my deepest and closest comfort and friend and always will be; however He understands me completely. I am choosing to write all of this here in hopes of better understanding myself. Bear with me, any who read.

Rollercoaster. That is my word for the day. I do not understand at the moment, but that does not mean that I am confused. I realize that every trial I face is simply another opportunity to learn and grow. You are supposed to enjoy rollercoasters, right? Well, I am praying my way through this one. "Consider it joy," as Paul puts it.